A-OK Turns One

Tomorrow Aiming for Okay turns one. Over the past year, each Tuesday (well 45 Tuesdays out of the last 52) I have had the challenge and privilege of sharing what I’m encountering in my own life with you and how the choices I’m making bring me closer to or further away from okay. I’ve written thousands of words I’ve never shared. I’ve sat for countless hours wondering if the words were ever going to come at all. And on 45 different occasions this year I did something I didn’t think I could do.
 
Writing Aiming for Okay each week has been a lesson in endurance, consistency, showing up, failing, succeeding, managing expectations, letting go of outcomes, HUMILITY, imagination, patience, vulnerability, frustration, delight, adventure, willingness and effort. I keep waiting for it to get easier, but it hasn’t yet. And that’s okay. I hope that means I’m challenging myself each week to do better work, to go deeper, and to be more aware.
 
One of the biggest challenges along the way has been practicing vulnerability. There have been weeks where after hitting send, I’ve hidden under the covers terrified that what used to be only in my thoughts was now visible to the outside world. In writing Aiming for Okay, I’ve learned that there is a pretty significant gulf between honesty and vulnerability. It’s one thing to be honest but something else altogether to be vulnerable. Vulnerability means opening yourself up to potential ridicule, misunderstanding, and pain, but it also means an opportunity for courage, compassion, and connection to make their way in. I know what it feels like not to try, to sit in fear and self-doubt. It feels worse than trying and failing.
 
It can be hard to show up week after week to a gig that doesn’t pay and takes up a decent amount of time. But by showing up every week I’ve learned what it feels like to make an investment in myself, what it feels like to be accountable, and what it feels like to keep going when you’re not always sure you should. And I’ve learned to take breaks when I need breaks. I’m not a machine. I’m a human being. Sometimes I’m tired, uninspired, or just plain ol’ don’t feel like writing.
 
The goal for Aiming for Okay has never changed. It has always been to share my life and my experiences honestly, to help others find a shred of familiarity or a sliver of comfort in my own story, and to know okay can be a great (and real) place to be. My hope each week is that whatever I write, whatever makes it out of the recesses or the foreground of my mind, will help just one person, even if that one person is me. There is great healing in sharing.
 
Thank you for coming along with me. I look forward to whatever comes next.
 
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Special thanks to: My mom, Rachel, Ashley, Tammy, Chelsea, Tiana, The Porch Writers’ Collective, Susannah (who pointed out the acronym A-OK on top of a million other helpful things she’s done), Erinn M., and last but certainly not least, Emily G.